“Relationship Empowerment”

“The New Rules of Marriage”  by Terry Real

Your expectations of what an intimate relationship is – emotional sharing, mutual support, responsibility, vitality – belongs a new kind of marriage, one very different from your parents’ or grandparents.’ But your old rule book, and your bag of relationship tools – your game plan and ways of coping – are not really as fresh as your vision is.

The new vision – relationship empowerment. Relationship empowerment is this: “I was weak, now I am strong. I’m going to bring my full self and full strength into this relationship. I’m going to stand toe-to-toe with you and do my very best to insist on healthy intimacy between us because “I love you.” Because I love us, our relationship. And because we deserve it.”

Relationship empowerment has a very different feel to it than personal empowerment. It’s not about being right or about self-expression or control. It asks these questions:

1. How are we going to be together in a way that works for both of us?
2. How are we going to negotiate our needs?
3. When there is conflict or hurt, how are we going to move back into loving connection?

Relationship empowerment asks both partners to verbalize:

1. This is what I’d like
2. Tell me what you’d like
3. Tell me what you need from me to help you deliver.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you the interests of the other.” Philippians 2:3-4