He also did it without prying or making the other person feel uncomfortable. If we pay attention, we might learn how to get past “the news, weather, and sports” in our conversations.
Levels of communication
John Powell’s book Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? suggests that when we communicate, we do so at certain levels of openness and self-disclosure.
1. Level Five – Cliche conversation. This is the safest and most superficial level of communication, little more than a ‘warm-up’ for real conversation. Here the words and subjects are very predictable: “Hello, how are you?” “Just fine, thanks. And you?” “Fine.” And so on…..
2. Level Four -Reporting facts about others. Conversation at least gets more interesting here, but there is little risk of self-disclosure. “I noticed the Smith’s roof is being repaired.” “Did you see the ball game last night?”
3. Level Three – My ideas and judgments. Here real communication begins…no longer playing it safe…I venture out to display my thinking for others to hear and accept (or reject). I now become vulnerable to criticism or rejection of my opinions. “I think you might be right, but what do you think about this….?”
4. Level Two – My feelings and emotions. At this level I show others not only my head but also my heart. At what has been called the “gut level,” I disclose what is most important to me by communicating what moves me. Here I reveal heartfelt spiritual convictions. “I’ve never felt happier than when….” “I was furious when…” “My faith is real to me because…”
5. Level One – Peak communication. This is a very special and mature level of sharing myself with others. Here I am most honest, most open, most vulnerable. Here marriage partners and best friends become trusted listeners with whom the deepest joys, fears, and struggles that need expression can be shared. “I have this sin in my life…” “My biggest
struggle is when…” “My greatest dream is…”
Norman J. Townsend, LMHC/LMFT 