Dialectical behavior therapy includes a focus on interpersonal effectiveness, which can provide us with tools for interactions with others, especially as we navigate through conflict. McKay, Wood, and Brantley in their “Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook” use a a mnemonic device R-A-V-E-N to successfully navigate through conflicts.

Dialectical behavior therapy includes a focus on interpersonal effectiveness, which can provide us with tools for interactions with others, especially as we navigate through conflict. McKay, Wood, and Brantley in their “Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook” use a a mnemonic device R-A-V-E-N to successfully navigate our negotiations with others.

Consider the idea of conflict management or the idea of negotiation as first and foremost being respectful of your own and the other person’s needs, wishes, and emotions while working together to find a balanced solution that is in each other’s best interest.

RELAX – Accept conflict calmly. Take a deep breath before you say the next thing. Take another deep breath and another until you are able to dampen your anger arousal. As you breath release tension as you exhale.

AVOID THE AVERSIVE. Keep in mind aversive strategies that you might be tempted to use, and monitor what you say in order to avoid them.

VALIDATE THE OTHER PERSON’S NEED OR CONCERN. Focus on fair, mutual agreeable outcomes where both of you can get some of your needs met.

EXAMINE YOUR VALUES. How do you want to be treated in a relationship, and how do you want to treat others? What do you want achieve, not only regarding the conflict, but also in this relationship?

NEUTRAL VOICE – Actively, keep any anger resentment or contempt out of your voice. Other people can pick up on cues from your tone of voice, so even if your words are saying one thing, you be communicating something very different through your tone. Be mindful of this in the moment.
Will this work? Only if you prepare to effectively negotiate adhering to the R-A-V-E-N guidlelines